Acts
Chapter 8

5 Thus Philip went down to (the) city of Samaria and proclaimed the Messiah to them. 6 With one accord, the crowds paid attention to what was said by Philip when they heard it and saw the signs he was doing. 7 For unclean spirits, crying out in a loud voice, came out of many possessed people, and many paralyzed and crippled people were cured. 8 There was great joy in that city. 14 Now when the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent them Peter and John, 15 who went down and prayed for them, that they might receive the holy Spirit, 16 for it had not yet fallen upon any of them; they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 1 17 Then they laid hands on them and they received the holy Spirit.

1 Peter
Chapter 3 15 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, 16 but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than for doing evil. 18 For Christ also suffered 1 for sins once, the righteous for the sake of the unrighteous, that he might lead you to God. Put to death in the flesh, he was brought to life in the spirit.

John
Chapter 14 15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate 1 to be with you always, 17 the Spirit of truth, 2 which the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows it. But you know it, because it remains with you, and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. 3 19 In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me, because I live and you will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father and you are in me and I in you. 21 Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me. And whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him."

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

Philip told the Samaritans (the Ten Northern Tribes were given the chance to access The Program) that The Program (Jesus Christ in perfect, loving, human form) had come among men.  They listened to him and saw that he had extraordinary programming powers that were powerful enough to drive evil spirits out of their comfortable homes in people's minds.  He also reprogrammed bodies of paralyzed and crippled people.

There was great joy in Samaria.  When the original downloaders in Jerusalem heard the Samaritans had accessed The Programmer's Download, they sent senior Downloaders, Peter and John, who programmed them to receive the Holy Wireless Connector, for He hadn't reprogrammed them, they had only been partly reprogrammed by baptism in the name of The Living Program in human form, Jesus Christ.  Then, they laid hands on them and programmed them so they could receive The Holy Wireless Connector.

Worship The Program within you as Lord.  Be ready to tell people why, if they ask, that you are hopeful, but don't be extreme. 

Tell about The Program in gentle, reverent ways, and don't do anything to corrupt your relationship with The Programmer, Program, and Holy Wireless Connector so that if you are slandered, those who attack you can't have reasons for doing so.  That will make you look good to The Trinity.  It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's The Programmer's desire than for doing bad things.  Christ also suffered for sins He did not commit, to lead you to be re-Programmed and become closer to He Who Programmed all.  By dying to His bodily concerns, He was brought back to (a better) life in the spirit.

"If you love me, you will obey My operating instructions, and I'll ask The Programmer to let you be connected (to Him and to Me) with The Holy Wireless Connector forever.  He is The Spirit of Truth, which the world(ly) cannot accept, because it (they) can't see it or know it.   But you'll know It, because It remains with you and will be in you.  I won't leave you orphans, I will come to you.  Soon, the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me, because I will live and you will live.  Then, you will understand that I (The Program) am in My Father (The Programmer) and you are in me and I in you (through the download of the Eucharist).  Whoever follows My Operating Instructions loves Me.  And, whoever loves Me will be loved by my Father (The Programmer), and I will love him and show Myself to him."