Weekly Readings with Catholic Fundamentalist Interpretation

Readings, November 4, 2007

The Book of Wisdom
Chapter 11 22 1 Indeed, before you the whole universe is as a grain from a balance, or a drop of morning dew come down upon the earth. 23 But you have mercy on all, because you can do all things; and you overlook the sins of men that they may repent. 24 For you love all things that are and loathe nothing that you have made; for what you hated, you would not have fashioned. 25 And how could a thing remain, unless you willed it; or be preserved, had it not been called forth by you? 26 But you spare all things, because they are yours, O LORD and lover of souls, Chapter 12 1 for your imperishable spirit is in all things!

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

Compared to You, The Programmer, all that You have programmed is as practically nothing.  (You could program infinitely more things, leaving what You have done the tiniest fraction of what You could program.)  Despite this awesome power, You still have mercy on us lesser, human programs, and you overlook our wilful programming errors so we may correct ourselves.  For You love all things that You have programmed, because You would not program errors.  And, how could any programmed entity remain, unless You wanted it, or be maintained as an active file unless You programmed it?  But, you spare all programmed entities because You own what You programmed, O Programmer and lover of souls.  Your everlasting Programming power is in everything You programmed.

 

Reading II

2 Thessalonians
Chapter 1 11 To this end, we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and powerfully bring to fulfillment every good purpose and every effort of faith, 12 1 that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, in accord with the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ. Chapter 2 1 2 We ask you, brothers, with regard to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our assembling with him, 2 not to be shaken out of your minds suddenly, or to be alarmed either by a "spirit," 3 or by an oral statement, or by a letter allegedly from us to the effect that the day of the Lord is at hand.

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

We always request increased Programming Assistance for you so that The Programmer may keep you open and accessible to download His instructions so well that all His programming goals are accomplished by your belief in and glorifying of The Programmer, Program, and Holy Wireless Connector. 

Don't let your ongoing downloading of The Program be disrupted by error messages that The Program is returning immediately.


Gospel

Luke
Chapter 19 1 1 He came to Jericho and intended to pass through the town. 2 Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, 3 was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way. 5 When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house." 6 And he came down quickly and received him with joy. 7 When they all saw this, they began to grumble, saying, "He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner." 8 But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, "Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over." 9 2 And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house because this man too is a descendant of Abraham. 10 3 For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost."




Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

Jesus Christ, (The Program in perfect, loving, human form) came to Jericho and was going to go through it.  A rich tax collector named Zacchaeus wanted to download information directly from Jesus, but was too short to see over the crowd.  So, he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see The Program who was about to pass by.  When The Program got there, He said, "Zacchaeus, come down quickly, because today I must stay (I've programmed everything necessary) to stay at your house."

Zacchaeus jumped down quickly, and received The Program joyfully. 

Those too concerned with the status the First Programming Log gave them didn't like the equal importance of the New Programming Instructions gave to people grumbled, "He (Whomever they thought Jesus to be) has gone to stay at the house of a sinner."  But, the sinner was no longer a sinner:  Zacchaeus said to The Program, "Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone, I will pay quadruple."  And, The Program said to him:  "Today, salvation has come to this house because this man, too, is descended from Abraham.  (Whether he was a blood descendant of Abraham's or not, his obedience made him a descendant.  That angered those who believed in salvation only by Abrahamic inheritance.) For The Program has taken human form to seek and save human programs with The New Programming Instructions. "