Weekly Readings with Catholic Fundamentalist Interpretation

Readings, October 21, 2007

Exodus
Chapter 17 8 1 At Rephidim, Amalek came and waged war against Israel. 9 Moses, therefore, said to Joshua, "Pick out certain men, and tomorrow go out and engage Amalek in battle. I will be standing on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand." 10 So Joshua did as Moses told him: he engaged Amalek in battle after Moses had climbed to the top of the hill with Aaron and Hur. 11 As long as Moses kept his hands raised up, Israel had the better of the fight, but when he let his hands rest, Amalek had the better of the fight. 12 Moses' hands, however, grew tired; so they put a rock in place for him to sit on. Meanwhile Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 And Joshua mowed down Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

The children of Esau, from whom Amalek was descended, waged war against the children of Jacob, who more closely followed The Programmer's Instructions than Esau's, causing jealousy and millenia of strife between them.  Moses told Joshua to pick his best men and fight Amalek.  "I will be standing on the hilltop with the staff of The Programmer in my hand."  So, Joshua did as Moses commanded.  He battled Amalek after Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the hilltop.  As long as Moses strained to maintain contact with The Programmer, the children of Jacob were victorious.  When he was too tired to maintain contact, Esau's children got ahead.  So, other sons of gave Moses a place to sit and held up his hands to maintain contact with The Programmer until sunset.  Since Moses was sitting,  Arron and Hur had an easy time holding up his arms.  Working together with The Programmer, the sons of Jacob harvested Amalek and his people with the cutting portion of their swords.

 

Reading II

2 Timothy
Chapter 3 14 But you, remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it, 15 and that from infancy you have known (the) sacred scriptures, which are capable of giving you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 1 2 All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 so that one who belongs to God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

Keep believing in The Programmer, Program, and Holy Wireless Connector because you learned it from true believers, and from before childhood, you have known the Programming Instructions which can allow you to download the wisdom for your salvation through your faith in Jesus Christ, The Program in perfect, loving, human form.

All of the Programming Instructions are inspired by The Programmer, and are useful for programming others, correcting errors, and for following The Program, so that the one who has received downloadeds from The Programmer may be fit for error-free operation.



Gospel

Luke
Chapter 18 1 1 Then he told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, 2 "There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respected any human being. 3 And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, 'Render a just decision for me against my adversary.' 4 For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought, 'While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, 5 2 because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me.'" 6 The Lord said, "Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says. 7 Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? 8 I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"




Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

He (Jesus Christ, The Program in perfect, loving, human form) told them to make endless requests for Programming Assistance.  He compared The Programmer to "a corrupt judge who recognized no higher authority nor respected any of his fellow free-will programs.

A widow in his town often demanded that he give a just verdict in her favor.  The judge didn't want to, but when he realized the widow was so deranged that she might injure him, he did as she asked.

Jesus said, "Download into your operating system what the dishonest judge says.  Will not The Programmer then secure the rights of those who try to access Him if they call out to Him day and night?  Will He be slow to answer them?.  I (The Program, in perfect, loving, human form) tell you, He will make sure they get quick justice.  But, when The Program comes, will He still find people who believe in the Holy Downloads?