Readings, September 30, 2007

Amos
Chapter 6 1 1 2 Woe to the complacent in Zion, to the overconfident on the mount of Samaria, Leaders of a nation favored from the first, to whom the people of Israel have recourse! 4 Lying upon beds of ivory, stretched comfortably on their couches, They eat lambs taken from the flock, and calves from the stall! 5 Improvising to the music of the harp, like David, they devise their own accompaniment. 6 They drink wine from bowls and anoint themselves with the best oils; yet they are not made ill by the collapse of Joseph! 7 Therefore, now they shall be the first to go into exile, and their wanton revelry shall be done away with.

Catholic Fundamentalism Interpretation:

Bad things are going to happen to those who don't work to get closer to The Programmer and to those who think they know more about His Program than they do. 

Obsession with things that have been programmed, and vainly proud of their own crude programming ability, they praise it, and themselves. 

They are overly worried about things of the body, and are not concerned about the collapse of Joseph (Ephriham and Mannassas).

Therefore, they will be the first to be sent away from the land The Programmer programmed for them and their opportunity to enjoy their sins shall be erased.

Catholic Fundamentalist Interpretation:

But you, follower of The Programmer, avoid all error.  Do everything you can to follow The Operating Instructions, being righteous, devout, faithful, loving, patient, and gentle.  Work to be more faithful than others and more faithful than you were yesterday.  Grasp eternal life, to which you were called when you downloaded The Program in front of many.  I tell you, in front of The Programmer, and in front of Jesus Christ, The Program in perfect, loving, human form, who told the truth under Pontius Pilate, (representative of government officials) to obey the Operating Instructions until The Program returns in the fullness of The Ages that He, Programmer of Programmers, will make Himself fully visible to all, He Who alone is immortal, who dwells in unapproachable light, and whom no human being has seen or is able to see.  To Him, Programmer, Program, and Holy Wireless Connector, be honor and eternal power.

Gospel

Luke
Chapter 16 19 1 "There was a rich man 2 who dressed in purple garments and fine linen and dined sumptuously each day. 20 And lying at his door was a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, 21 who would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man's table. Dogs even used to come and lick his sores. 22 When the poor man died, he was carried away by angels to the bosom of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried, 23 and from the netherworld, 3 where he was in torment, he raised his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. 24 And he cried out, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am suffering torment in these flames.' 25 Abraham replied, 'My child, remember that you received what was good during your lifetime while Lazarus likewise received what was bad; but now he is comforted here, whereas you are tormented. 26 Moreover, between us and you a great chasm is established to prevent anyone from crossing who might wish to go from our side to yours or from your side to ours.' 27 He said, 'Then I beg you, father, send him to my father's house, 28 for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.' 29 But Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.' 30 4 He said, 'Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.' 31 Then Abraham said, 'If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.'"

Catholic Fundamentalist Interpretation:

"There was a man who had the finest of programmed entities, dressing and eating very well.  Lying at his door was a poor man, Lazarus, covered with sores.  He would have been glad to eat the rich man's crumbs.  He was so low that dogs used to lick his sores.  When Lazarus died, he was carried away by angels to Abraham.  (Heaven, for the pre-Jesus faithful?  And, was he bodily taken into Heaven since it doesn't say he was buried?)

The rich man also died and was buried, and was tortured in the netherworld.  He looked up and saw Abraham, and Lazarus beside him, and cried, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me.  Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and relieve me, these flames are killing me!'  Abraham answered, "My child, remember that you got all sorts of good things during your lifetime while Lazarus barely even got crumbs.  Now, he is comforted here, while you are tortured.  On top of that, there's a great barrier between you and us to keep us from going from one side to the other.'  The rich man said, 'If that is so, I beg you father, send Lazarus to my father's house and warn my five brothers so they don't have to come to this awful place.'  Abraham said, 'Moses and the prophets have told them about life after death. Let them listen.'  The poor rich man said, 'If someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'  Abraham replied, 'If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, they won't be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.'"

(Catholic Fundamentalists think that one of the Rules of The Program is that each person has access to enough knowledge of Church and Scripture to be saved.  If we vainly put our own desires in front of Church & Scripture, we get what's coming to us.  It's a level playing field, and no one gets special treatment, except by the intercession of Angels and Saints.)